my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
