My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
