I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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