Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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