What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
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