got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
