All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
