Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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