omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize