so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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