I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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