Princesses don't give blow jobs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
