I just made out with a guy for $7.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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