O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
