I cockslap morals
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
