I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
