it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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