I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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