The maid of honor just puked.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have post one night stand depression
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