non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
