You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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