Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
