you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
