You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
