Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
