My pussy is not your playground.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
