connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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