If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
