I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My cat gives me a boner
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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