Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize