You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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