Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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