the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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