I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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