She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
