i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love you. Go after that dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
