I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
