Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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