Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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