my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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