If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
