I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
