You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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