I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
