I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
