Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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