the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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