Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
