we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
