just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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