drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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