so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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