we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
