The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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