We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize