i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
