we have officially lost it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
