Just cropdusted the office
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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