o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
