Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize