He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
