she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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