my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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