..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
