Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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