The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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