making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
